American - Comedian | May 12, 1937 - June 22, 20081
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
George Carlin
MoonWolvesSilentOnlyNights
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
FunnyEvilConfusedHouseBecome
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
FunnyWeatherDarkForecastTonight
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
FunnyElectricityOrganizedLightning
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
PetSweatPettyThingsSweaty
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
DrivingIdiotYouGoingFasterThan
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
PersonInsideDisappointedCynical
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
YouBackMonkeyCircusMeanLeft
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
TimeFireJobPeopleSomeoneEnough
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
PurposeMeDefeatSaidSheWould
Always do whatever's next.
AlwaysNextWhatever
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
CommunicationTruthLanguageTool
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