- Comedian | February 7, 1965 - 3
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock
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I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.
WeirdDemonsDarkMy OwnOwnMoods
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
LifeStupidityWishMessed UpWay
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
MeYouMeanSomethingOnlyOffend
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
ControlGunThinkGun ControlNeed
Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.
LifeYouMoviesGetLikeTakes
When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
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You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
GovernmentYouTaxesPayTake
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
LiveYouBadNeighborhoodGetShot
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
SmokingComedyBackGoWayReal
The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's paying five grand for a weave, that's a bit much.
BeautyWomenMoneyMeHairRich
Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.
GoodPeopleBelieveEnvyNewWant
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